Triple Threat Saddle Goop (we reserve the right to change the name and formula at any time, sans warning)
Short story: Beeswax and/or pine tar, and lanolin mixed haphazardly in proportions that seem to be an ideal consistency for rubbing onto a leather saddle, shoe-shine style, with a bandana. They're harder in cold weather, softer in hot. I think it may be the world's best saddle goop, although the Obenauf's we'll continue to sell until we run out is really, really good, too.
Detail: Two sizes--Family Fun size and Lone Wolf; and three colors: caramel, chocolate, and monkey banana (no pine tar, you can tell by the color). You can pick your size but not your color. They're all fine, and we think of this as a "the classic American fun grab bag." If we have to differentiate by colors, well, at that point the fun stops and we stop doing them. Ignore the different colors; they all become colorless after you rub it into the saddle.
Instructions: See images. First, break off half-a thimble-sized glob (two standard pencil erasersworth) and draw lengthwise lines, maybe a dozen of them, on a dry saddle mounted and on the bike, to stabilize it. Then fold over the bandana any way that seems to make sense--we're not going to pretend there's a right and wrong way to do that; and grab opposing bandana corners as handles and go to town, shoe-shine boy. Some places you might have to rub in with one hand, since the back of the saddle takes advanced shoe-shining technique. See the photos. We might have a video some day.
Museum conservators use beeswax to save old leather, and you know they don't mess around. Pine Tar has been used to protect wood from moisture for more than a thousand years, and I've used it on wooden ski bottoms, ax handles, and house wood that's exposed to the weather. In Sweden, it's painted on shingles like paint. I know this, because I went there and stayed at a guy's house one night, and his next door neighbor was readying for the winter by turning his house shiny dark brown with pine tar. I've never envied anybody more.
In a made-in-America aluminum tin. Lone Wolves will treat at least ten saddles; Family Fun will treat twice as many. Each tin individually numbered.