goo - tin of Lanolin
Grease is good for lots of things on bikes. We're not anti-grease, no matter how fossil-fuely it is. For bearings, it's the only way to go. For mere contact surfaces that need a little substance on them to prevent steel or aluminum from mating for life, or to lubricate threads, leave the fossil fuels alone and go with sheep hair fat: Lanolin.
It gets stiff in the cold, it's runny when it's hot, and none of that matters. It sticks to metal, and that's what matters, and it's good for your skin—it's the main ingredient in the most effective skin lubricants—so any excess you get on your fingers, just rub it somewhere, like on the back of your hand.
We sell it by the small, made-in-America tin. I put it in there myself, one Sunday morning while my wife and daughter didn't even ask what I was doing, because they're used to this kind of thing.
This is not a moneymaker for us, but I need to justify it somehow beyond "this is cool," so we sell the tins for $7. All threads, all contact surfaces. It's super good. We have fifty, and will not always have it in stock.